Recent Aha! Moment
I was on the train, coming home from downtown Chicago and honestly feeling utterly defeated. That might be alarming, if it didn't happen so frequently. Rather than sulking this day though, I took an introspective view of myself and my career. It became obvious my expectations weren't realistic and the view I had of myself was warped to some extent. Few have the ability to grasp difficult concepts with little mental effort, I always thought I was in that group...I'm not.
Refusing to be honest with myself has made me tenative to contribute to projects because I'm afraid. Afraid of being not good enough, afraid of making a dumb mistake, and afraid of running into that one person who goes out of his/her way to make sure everyone knows how smart they are (and how dumb you are). It's really handicapped my ability to learn the new technologies, because I'm not interacting with experienced developers. I've been slowly coming out of my shell, I contributed blog preview functionality for PyroCMS 2.2 and that was a really great experience. Went to Tek|12, met some great people, and getting involved in side/pet projects collaboratively; and I've come up with this list of things I need to do.
- I will be deliberate and focused in my learning
- I will refuse to take short cuts in researching technology
- I will strive to be better than good enough
- I will work harder and more intelligently than I did yesterday
- I will not compare myself to others
- I will pay it forward and teach others the things I've learned.
I've spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself without having ever really taken a risk or put myself out there. My self view changed due to introspective revelation, with that it's time for me to get going. It's time to get deliberate about contributing to projects, proposing conference sessions, and asking other people for feedback. Learning academically is important, but so is learning by doing and asking. It's time to stop being content and make some noise.